Weekends go by too fast...

I'm proud to say my diet has been pretty on point today. Yesterday also. Considering I spent the whole week binge eating, this makes me feel better. I will have only had 4 workouts this week instead of my usual 5, but at least I am getting back on track. My motivation and energy levels are still low though.

Chris bought me a grill as an early birthday present and I could not be happier! I LOVE grilled food! He grilled me some chicken and it is just so fantastic.

Right now I am trying to get him to go get frozen yogurt with me. It's a Saturday night...most couples are doing something a little more exciting. However, he will not get off his goddamn video game. I like video games, I understand they are fun, but for fuck's sake, there needs to be a limit. That reminds me, I need to call my old therapist who also does couple's counseling...I still worry about this wedding thing. Maybe I wouldn't worry so much if he acted like he wanted to do anything with me. Oh well, no sense in depressing myself right now. I have decided for my 27th birthday to climb up Mount Wrightson again. I may party a bit the weekend before because it is Memorial weekend.

Workouts and Cheez-Its

God damn I love CHEEZ-ITs. I'm eating them right now and they are delicious! And no, I do not care if they make me fat. I may go on a diet 3 months before my wedding, but for now I will eat whatever and just workout a lot. I have frustrations to vent and I am going to do that here because I can. I get off work, come home and walk the dogs. Then I make dinner (which Chris doesn't eat because he eats crap at work). Then I go to the gym, come home, and then do the dishes. What did my husband-to-be do while this was happening? Nothing. Not a damn thing that didn't involve video games. I did try to get him to come to the gym with me for the 3000th time to no avail. Yesterday he did something really nice. He cooked me dinner since my back was killing me from dead lifts. I know it is pointless to keep score, but that barely makes up for Saturday when he slept all day while I went to the grocery store, picked up all the dog poop, cleaned the kitchen, and steam cleaned the living room. Now I know I am high energy, higher than most, but I do expect some level of work to be put into the relationship and I am just not getting that. I guess it is important for me to remember that I can only change myself and I can only control myself. Oh the plus side, I have still not had a drop of alcohol. The beer in my fridge is calling me though. I know I am eating more as mental compensation for the lack of alcohol. My brain needs something. Exercise is, of course, always something I turn to (these days anyways), but food is also. I think if I did not exercise like I do, I would be really fat.

Rough Time

I am having a rough time right now. I've realized I needed to quit drinking. The fact that it has only been one week and it is this difficult reminds me that I do have an addictive personality and I do need to be careful with these things. I have always assumed since my first time in rehab that I would probably be back at some point (although my first time in rehab was not substance related). Last night a bunch of people, including Chris, went out. I wanted to go, I did, but I did not want to be up late, I did not want to be tempted to drink or smoke. What I wanted, and what I did, was to go to bed early, to wake up early, and to get a good workout in. I am thinking about signing up for a 10k that is May 5. I am terrified though. Running has always been so hard for me. I don't know what I am afraid of though. I could just walk if I needed to. I did run 4 miles for the first time in forever on Tuesday. I ran 3 miles today. I think I may do it. Mostly right now I need an excuse, for myself and for others, to not drink. Plus every time I am unhappy with Chris, it helps me to sign up for an event. I know I cannot change him, but I want him to try harder in the relationship. At the store I bought time a steak...he didn't even deserve it. Oh well.

I've been bad at updating...

I have obviously been very bad at updating. Life just got busy and pretty confusing for awhile. I am getting married in October, but it is hitting me that there are some very serious relationship issues that we need to work on. This has affected both my eating and my workouts. Also, I have been drinking too much beer which, as everyone knows, is very bad for the waistline. Fortunately on Tuesday when I weighed myself I was at my comfortable weight, but who knows what I am today after going to a beerfest yesterday. I've been cycling on Sundays instead of doing leg day, but today I will probably go do some legs. I feel a little too sluggish to try to get on a bike. I do need to stop this whole drinking thing. I don't need to drink much to feel blah the next day and I don't like it. Plus with my history it is a little dangerous for me to be drinking regularly. On the plus side, I have not been binge eating this weekend like I normally do...at least until I got home from the beer festival last night.*sigh* I need to get my shit together because I feel everything is slightly unraveling and that scares me.